The staff at my bar were required to wear a costume and I didn't have enough money in the budget to get one. So I decided to wear the suit and as expected, I looked good. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but strike some superhero poses. Then I snapped on the belt and felt the suit tighten around me. I felt strangely powerful too but I was late for work so I threw on a coat to cover up the costume and headed to the bar.As expected, I turned heads with my outfit. Men and even a few women always swooned over me but tonight they were doing so especially. I loved it when I had that effect on people. I didn't get to enjoy it for too long through as when I started to bar tend, strange things kept happening. The glasses kept breaking in my hands and I accidently pulled one of the tap handles off the wall. My boss wasn't sure what was going on but he decided I was costing him too much money so he sent me home. I was a little disappointed. I was hoping I could pick someone. "One thing I'm definitely sure of is that I never got a marriage license, stood before a judge, or jumped over a broom handle."He was unmoved by my emphatic declarations. "Did you not co-habitate with Ms. Hart during the years 1997 and 1998 inclusive?" If you're asking if she was in my bed and I was fucking her during that time, the answer is yes."He nodded. "By the laws of the state, either party has the right to declare a common law marriage if the length of co-habitation exceeds one year." God Almighty Damn. I'm in the last unspoiled paradise on earth and a fucking lawyer crawls out from under a rock. "What the hell. If she wants a divorce for a marriage that never happened, where do I sign?" I should have known it wouldn't be quite that easy.He pulled out some more papers. "Well, there is a matter of declarations of your communal property to be divided. I have a form for you to fill out listing all real property, bank accounts, stocks, bonds and any other communally held.
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